I’ve Met the Perfect Girl Twice, and She Hasn’t Liked Me Back. When Is This Going to Change?

Congratulations! You found the perfect girl!
So did I. Many times, actually.

There was… You know what, the list of women is way too long to name. Let’s just skip all that.

So, through these interactions in my life, I found the perfect woman. Except, there was always a problem. And at different points in my life, the problems were always different. Here’s a short list of some of the obstacles I encountered:

  • She was married.
  • She was in a relationship.
  • She didn’t like me.
  • I was annoying.
  • I was arrogant.
  • She lived in another country.
  • I was too poor for her.
  • I couldn’t maintain a budget.
  • I spent all my money partying.
  • She thought I was crazy.
  • I smoked.
  • I drank too much.
  • Our interests didn’t align.

Oh, how much the list goes on. But here I was, surrounded by so many perfect women, yet I had no one. I tried continually to get in a relationship with any of these perfect specimen, much like the women you describe, but I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, I failed over and over and over.

Then one day it hit. I’ve said this many times before. In order to have what I wanted, I first needed to do what it takes to have it. But before I even did what it takes to have it, or in this case, her, I would first need to become the perfect man.

I don’t know how it completely slipped my mind, but it did. However, once I realized this, I poured out my heart and soul into reshaping who I was. To become the perfect man.

In order to attract the perfect woman, I needed to first be the perfect man. So as each day went by, I started to chip away at my flaws. I started being honest and open with myself. I started being honest and open with others. I started to slowly control my budget, my spending, my savings. I started to take care of my physical being, drinking and partying less. I started to become someone valuable in the marketplace, as my writing improved. I started to just chip away at myself slowly and slowly, and became the man I am today.

I’m far from perfect, but as time had progressed, I started to attract a new type of woman. A woman who was not interested in the worldly matters that I had resembled. But a woman who is interested in who I am, deep inside. As I made these changes, my pool of women changed. However, I held onto one toxic habit. My necessity to smoke cigarettes.

Then I found her. This ethereal being right was in front of me, illuminating through the crowd. A woman who didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, yet who had a lot of the same interests as me. Someone whom I was able to instantaneously connect with. Someone whom I could talk to about anything. After meeting her, I just knew…

I knew that I would have to work more on myself and give up my cigarette addiction.

So I quit cold turkey.

Then came the finances. She earns nearly twice as much as I earn. I used to earn the same, but I took a long time to focus on myself and recalculate my life, but the time for reflection is over. So I have been working relentlessly for the last few weeks, shrinking down my resume to one page. I have been heavily marketing myself on LinkedIn as well. I have received around ten offers as of Sunday night, and I’m sorting through the best offers while scouting out better opportunities.

Here’s the thing. Most people stop when they have what they want. They stop improving. They stop becoming better. They feel safe and comfortable, as they have finally accomplished what they were set out to do. Then they start to deteriorate.

I know, I was able to find what I was looking for.


I know I am able to have her, as she is currently my girlfriend.

But am I going to be able to keep her around for the next fifty years of my life?

The only way I’m going to be able to do that is to continually improve. To continually chip away at my flaws. To listen to her. To be in tune with what is going on. To be better each day.

So, here I am now, after continual failures of trying to have the perfect woman by my side.

Yet, now I have succeeded.

Partially, at least. I have well over fifty more years of a life to do what I can to ensure I continue to be the perfect man, so the perfect woman stays by my side. It’s a quest and a journey that I have to set myself out on, but one I refuse to allow myself to failure.

If the man who has scared and chased off any and every woman around him throughout his life has succeeded, then so can you.

So when will this change? This will change once you start to follow these three easy steps to get there:




P.S. If my girlfriend is reading this, I lied earlier. There are no other perfect women. Only you.

Originally posted on Quora.

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