This should bring some insight as to why I made the decisions I did. I wrote the following on June 26th, 2013:
Sometimes I think back to how delusional I was in the last decade of my life.
I honestly believed… that in order to be genuinely happy and have a sense of fulfillment, I needed to be rich, powerful, and have a significant other who loved me.
Considering I have none of the traits listed above, nor have had any of them for a few years… I’ve come to find, that in actuality, all I needed to do was love myself and count my blessings.
Loving yourself. That’s a tough one though. I’ve hated nearly everything about myself since I lost my ex in 2006. Up until maybe 2012. That’s at least six whole years of hate and regret.
Toxic I tell you. Absolutely toxic. Hell, it was so toxic, that even when I made great money in that duration of time… deep down, I still hated myself. I still felt empty inside. I still wanted to just lock myself in my room forever and just hide under my blankets and cry. Hell… At times, I just wished that I wasn’t ever born.
Funny though, the only way to break the cycle is to love and be loved. I’ve come to find… Not many people want to love cynical condescending bastards who have delusions of grandeur and are 100% convinced that they’re God’s gift to the world.
So, the next step is to change. Build an unshakable character. Eliminate your vices. Reinvent your foundation. Change who you are. Chip by chip. Ounce by ounce. Piece by piece.
Become humble. Become hungry. Become honest. Take on an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings. Get in tune with yourself. Exercise. Think positively.
Change your patterns every time someone or something brings you down. Don’t let yourself take things personally. Smile. Laugh. Get in touch with nature. Find new hobbies. Eliminate toxic friends. Take it slow, just one tiny step at a time.
Once you’re done, you’ll be shocked at how far you came. You’ll come to find that the bottles and models you chased after your whole life were pointless. The adrenaline rush you got from closing huge deals can be fulfilled in other ways, without the negative consequences.
The power you had? Well… that was untrue, fake, and bought. That Lexus GS 350 and 2,600 square foot loft? Yeah sure, they were nice to have, but did they fulfill me spiritually?
No. Not in any way whatsoever.
You’ll come to realize that the only things that matter are your philosophy on life, your health and the people you love, whom love you.
Be thankful for what you have and you will always be blessed with more, however once you take pride in what you have, that is when you start losing.
Originally posted on Quora.
Leonard Kim is Managing Partner at InfluenceTree. At InfluenceTree, Leonard and his team teach you how to build your (personal or business) brand, get featured in publications and growth hack your social media following.